My precious baby...
So we are all caught up now and about to add another month on Saturday. Whew, 5 months almost. It still seems like she was born yesterday. She is so big now, she smiles, laughs, CAN ALMOST SIT UP ALONE. She sits up if you sit her up, and everyday the amount of time she stays up is getting better and better. She has been to the Zoo and the Aquarium now. The Zoo she didn't care about not one bit, and the Aquarium, well she loved it. She tried to pet the jellyfish through the glass and then leaned in to try to look better and hit her head on the glass :D. She is getting amazingly big now. I love her sooo much. I recently read about a baby a little older than Bella by about a week or two, that had died of SIDS and it has made me realize that I love her so much. It makes me feel bad for ever thinking, "You are getting on my nerves" because in all honesty, she has gotten on my nerves, she has made me mad. I have never been so mad at her that I have to leave the room though that kind of action seems silly to me, for now, when she gets sassy though then I will probably do that, but she will be able to follow me. Haha. It just makes me want to cuddle her though since the death of that other baby, it really hit close to home, probably because the age. It really is a unexplainable kind of love though that I have for her, I don't have it for anyone else, and never will unless i have another child. You can only know this love when you are a mother or father yourself. It just makes me want to "Carpe Diem" but with Bella. I just want to spend everyday with her, and never miss a thing without smuthering her too much to where she won't be her own independent person because I intrude, but I just want her to know that I will always love her. I have realized recently my biggest fear is I will die and she will be too young to remember me, and have to remember me through pictures. I want her to have her own memories of me, I want her to remember who I am and I want her to have her own opinion of me and not have to hear what I was like through other people. I want her to know I loved her, and not have her hear from others that I did.
It is a very real fear, because tomorrow is not for sure. I love her so much, and she is changing so much. It is crazy. I want to slow down time, make it slower. I want more time with her. She is going to be five months old on Saturday, then after that 6 months, then a year, then 18 and moving on with her life. I don't know how I am going to deal with her being 18, but I wonder all the time how she is going to be when she is that old. I will love her no matter what but it is always fun to picture how they will be, but of course you wish them to be better then you were. Avoid the mistakes you made.
my favorite soo far, at almost 5 months old. Sitting up alone :D
No comments:
Post a Comment