My Life As Bella's Mommy.: March 2010

Bella's Fourth Month...

My precious baby...

So we are all caught up now and about to add another month on Saturday. Whew, 5 months almost. It still seems like she was born yesterday. She is so big now, she smiles, laughs, CAN ALMOST SIT UP ALONE. She sits up if you sit her up, and everyday the amount of time she stays up is getting better and better. She has been to the Zoo and the Aquarium now. The Zoo she didn't care about not one bit, and the Aquarium, well she loved it. She tried to pet the jellyfish through the glass and then leaned in to try to look better and hit her head on the glass :D. She is getting amazingly big now. I love her sooo much. I recently read about a baby a little older than Bella by about a week or two, that had died of SIDS and it has made me realize that I love her so much. It makes me feel bad for ever thinking, "You are getting on my nerves" because in all honesty, she has gotten on my nerves, she has made me mad. I have never been so mad at her that I have to leave the room though that kind of action seems silly to me, for now, when she gets sassy though then I will probably do that, but she will be able to follow me. Haha. It just makes me want to cuddle her though since the death of that other baby, it really hit close to home, probably because the age. It really is a unexplainable kind of love though that I have for her, I don't have it for anyone else, and never will unless i have another child. You can only know this love when you are a mother or father yourself. It just makes me want to "Carpe Diem" but with Bella. I just want to spend everyday with her, and never miss a thing without smuthering her too much to where she won't be her own independent person because I intrude, but I just want her to know that I will always love her. I have realized recently my biggest fear is I will die and she will be too young to remember me, and have to remember me through pictures. I want her to have her own memories of me, I want her to remember who I am and I want her to have her own opinion of me and not have to hear what I was like through other people. I want her to know I loved her, and not have her hear from others that I did.

It is a very real fear, because tomorrow is not for sure. I love her so much, and she is changing so much. It is crazy. I want to slow down time, make it slower. I want more time with her. She is going to be five months old on Saturday, then after that 6 months, then a year, then 18 and moving on with her life. I don't know how I am going to deal with her being 18, but I wonder all the time how she is going to be when she is that old. I will love her no matter what but it is always fun to picture how they will be, but of course you wish them to be better then you were. Avoid the mistakes you made.

my favorite soo far, at almost 5 months old. Sitting up alone :D

My Birth Story-First Blog...

I thought it was only fitting for my first blog on my life as being Bella's mommy to be her birth. So here it goes...

Friday, October 23rd, 2009, I awoke to fluid leaking, and thought that my water had broken. My due date was Wednesday, October 28, 2009 so I was hoping I was getting lucky and my precious baby would FINALLY be here and stop making me miserable. I called Ricky and we went to the OB/GYN just to find out that it was a build up of discharge, sorry TMI but that is obviously how a birth blog is going to be, and apparently that happens towards the end so we went home. Sunday, October 25, 2009, woke up with the same discharge and with the thought better safe then sorry I had my in laws take me to the hospital only to find out that still no baby. However, I was starting to dilated more and my cervix was thinning out meaning progress, but I was sent home. Monday, October 26, 2009, awoke with the discharge leaking out, and you would've thought it was water breaking and it was like leaking ALOT like everytime I moved, and it had done this since that Friday so I was over it. I had the discharge, and then CONTRACTIONS every 7 to 10 minutes, but the thing that scared me the most is I had been up for a couple hours, drank a Dr. Pepper, and still had no fetal movement. I called my mom who told me to go to the hospital, right as she was saying that my husband Ricky was home for lunch and he called into work and took me. We arrive at UT Medical Center to their Labor and Delivery Triage, you go there before Labor and Delivery to make sure its not false labor. They get me in a bed, check the pH of the fluid I am leaking to make sure its not my water, and hook me up to a contraction monitor and fetal heartbeat monitor. My contractions were up in the 140s when she hooked me up, they were off the charts. She checked me for dilation and I was still in between 1-2 cm, and thinning. This was at like 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I am laying in the bed thinking, they are going to keep me here for a couple hours and send me home. The doctor came in to check my cervix for dilation and effacement. Dilation is the opening of the cervix and effacement is the thinning out. It is like the cervix opens up and shrinks in size and moves out of the way for the baby to come down the birth canal, just some vocabulary for people reading and not knowing what I am talking about. Anyway, the doctor comes in and checks that I am at a 2, this is like an hour later :D yay that is exciting. Not to mention the fact that the doctor was my favorite doctor at the practice. Well still is :D. He took me off the monitors and told me to go walk around the hospital, so I did. I walked up to my mom's floor of the hospital, she works on a High Risk OB. She told me to go walk around since I had about 30 minutes to do so, since I had talked to her up there for 30 minutes. I came back early though because my back and stomach were hurting from the contractions. The doctor came in and checked me and I was between two and three centimeters dilated, and I didn't hear anything else about being effaced after the first time they checked me. So I was definately making progress and what not. My step dad was in the room by then just sitting with my husband and me watching the contractions go up. My helpful husband told me everytime a contraction came, in case I didn't know :D. I had not eaten anything since Sunday during the day, we had went to Boo at the Zoo and I think I had a little dinner, but definately nothing that morning other than a drink, and when you are being monitored for labor they don't feed you in case they need to put you under or just so you don't throw up at all. So it is like almost 7 at night and I had not eaten since the day before, so I was pretty grouchy and I was sitting in my bed telling my husband and step dad that if they weren't going to keep me I wanted to go home because it was pointless I was there, and my step dad, God love him, he was just trying to help and make me feel better and all he said was just be patient because if you are being kept they won't let you eat anyway. I snapped at him saying that at least I would have a reason to sit there and starve. About then my mom came in the room, and my doctor. He said I was definately progressing and that they were going to keep me. Oh gosh I was sooo happy. They gathered my stuff together and took me to Labor and Delivery. They set me up in a room, put the monitors back on, and once again I laid there. The nurse came in her name is Debbie, she was amazing. She let me have a popsicle, and I had like 3 before Dr. Shirk, my favorite doctor, told me I should calm down on the popsicles since it was sort of like food too. Nurse Debbie also reminded me I could have pain medication Fentanyl, or I think that is how it is spelled it is pronounced fin tin all. She then informed me that I would need to watch a video since I was planning on getting an epidural it was sort of a procedure video like what was going to happen, and they were saying there is conditions where you cannot get an epidural... yeah scary. One of them was blood conditions, I had two clotting disorders plus anemia of some sort and took iron. They had to take my blood and test my platelets, and I was like ummm what?!? So they took my blood and I sat there waiting, even went to pee a couple times. Then like 8 o clock comes around and I am still at 3 centimeters dilated, so they start me on Pitocin, and it is supposed to help get your contractions going a little stronger. So I sat through contractions that got a little worse, but nothing really, the contractions really just made me sweat a little. The nurse Debbie came in and I was telling her how they were starting to hurt a little and she asked me if I wanted pain medication, and I was like well I don't want my epidural yet, so she brought in the Fentanyl, and let me tell you that is some good stuff. It hit immediately, and that scared me a little, as soon as it hooked to my IV I got a GOOD dizzy feeling, and I was loopy because I remember people laughing at me. Its apparently designed to take the edge off to help you sleep. A couple hours later I ask for more and this time Debbie kicks everyone out except me and my husband, apparently we need our rest. I don't remember what time that was, but I remember waking up maybe around 3 in the morning Tuesday, October 27, 2009, and Dr Shirk seeing about my cervix, still at 3. I was a little nervous because I had been at 3 for a while, and I didn't want a c section. Then I heard him ask my Nurse Debbie for the Amniotichook, a hook used to break your water, at the time I didn't know what that meant and as he reached for it I was like, "Whoa what are you gonna do with that?", and he said, "I am going to break your water", and I said, "Is that going to hurt?", *break* "Nope". And it didn't. Ricky was sleeping since we were getting rest, and I was hoping he would've been awake for that. I went back to sleep and woke up about an hour later at 4 o clock in the morning, and I had this hurt feeling, and honestly it felt like I had to take a really really really bad poop. I pressed the nurse button on my bed, it was broken. Okay, no big deal. I had just had my water broken, and when that happens it leaks and fast, it is like you pee on yourself. I sat up to try to wake Ricky up to get the nurse, and it rushed out, so I laid down. You can tell water from pee because you can "hold" your pee, water... ya right. My phone was on the table about two feet away because I knew I wouldn't have went to sleep with it, and my plan could've been to call my mom in the waiting room to get the nurse, but since it was away that was not the option, also the nurse remote was over there. So I started screaming for Ricky to get up, like screaming like someone was killing me. It took a while it seemed like before he startled enough to get up, and he called the nurse for me. It took forever for her to get back in there, and Ricky was instigated me and said, "Well if you want help, scream" so I did. I am putting things in quotes now because these are specific things I remember vividly. The nurse FINALLY came in there and with a tone like sarcastic sort of like funny, "What is wrong with you?" and I managed to breathe out, "I need my epidural... now" the nurse walked over to me, "Let me check you *checks me* Yup you are at 7 centimeters now, you need the epidural... now" she tells the Anesthia people I need the epidural now, and they start setting up the table. They do this in front of you and it is kind of like holding food in front of someone when they are starving. That takes the longest to do. I remember asking everyone why they were taking so long and not helping me. They all told me they are helping me and they are moving as fast as they can. They anesthia people came in, made Ricky leave, and I sat up and bent over my 9 month pregnant tummy. That motion made me feel nauseous and they got me a bed pan to throw up in, which I didn't do thank God. Finally got my epidural, and really it felt like someone jabbed you in between the vertebrae with their finger nail, then when they turned it on, it felt like cold water running down your back. Ricky got to come back in, with a crowd. My mom, Russ(step dad), Elizabeth, and I think Ricky's parents came back one more time, they all came in to see me. While they were visiting I noticed a cramp in my left hip, I asked Ricky and Debbie, the nurse, to shift me because I figured it was a cramp from laying so long, but nope turns out after constant shifting me in the bed, I was the lucky person to have a hot spot, a hot spot is a spot that the epidural for whatever reason does not touch and it continues to be unaffected by the epidural. Also a fact I forgot to mention, before the epidural got in I had the feeling like I had to pee and poop at the same time, they won't let you go to the bathroom. The pee is your water, and the poop is the baby pressing on your butt so don't think they are being mean if you've not already had a baby, they are doing their job, but it sucks very much to have those two feelings. Anyway, after the epidural and the hot spot... Well then time comes for the catheter, this is to keep my bladder empty. Yeah well I can feel that too, so I have a hot spot and a catheter I am not supposed to feel. This worries me, even though I can't feel my feet. Well everyone sort of starts falling asleep in my room and this is maybe about 430 now or something, well my mom kicks herself and my friend out of the room so we can go to sleep, and we get like 30 minutes of sleep before the nurse is back in the room checking me once more. 3 o clock in the morning I was at 7 centimeters dilated, it is now 5 o clock and I learn it is time to start pushing. The nurse goes to get the Dr real fast, he comes back in explains that it is time to start pushing, this will be the longest part and he'd come check on me in a couple hours. The nurse grabs my left leg, and Ricky grabs the other, my mom and best friend are back in there somehow, they kept doing that just popping up out of no where, haha. The nurse has one leg, Ricky has the other, "Take a deep breath and hold it and push while I count to 10.1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10", this was the sentence I heard until 5:45 a.m. the head was out, the baby was almost here, the nurse called for Dr. Shirk to come back in and deliver the rest of the baby. Fifteen more minutes of pushing, and Friday, October 27, 2009 at exactly, to the second, 6:00a.m. Isabella Kate Veals was born into the world. At 8 pounds 6 ounces 20 inches long, she was a healthy screaming baby. I will never forget the look she gave me when she came out, she looked utterly confused, and then cried. Then came time to deliver the placenta, which I saw, and it was gross looking. The Dr. joked with me while he delivered it and said it was a twin, I told him it wasn't funny while I laughed. Daddy Ricky was over there while they cleaned her up, and swaddled her and took her footprints for her baby book and records. Daddy brought her to me, and I held her for the first time, my baby girl. She was sooo alert for just being born. I couldn't tell who she looked like, I don't remember if I said anything to her or not, but I am so sure that I did. About an hour later my mom came in, by herself, she had looked like she snuck in and she could've with her hospital badge. Fifteen minutes later she went to get everyone else to meet Miss Isabella Kate. Ricky's parents cried and said she was beautiful. Elizabeth, my best friend since we were four years old, said she was beautiful and took a picture of her. My parents said how cute she was. Everyone was just soo happy.

Then the moment came, I got to eat! Bacon and Eggs never looked so good. After I ate and everything calmed down, everyone had to once again go to the waiting room after being there all night. Then I was told I would have to go to the bathroom in order to get the IV cart off me, so I did and let me tell you, I have never seen so much blood, you'd think I was dying. After that we got our stuff together and I was wheeled to the Mother Baby Unit with my baby girl. After a little bit they took her to get her first bath, and daddy said she cried the entire time and her body was red. Brought her back all swaddled up. Then after that it was a revolving door of visitors everyone from, My family in Indiana to Karie Courtney Kristi Jeb Eva Samantha Leslie B Cortney Ashley B Ashley G Lacey Leslie E Yonke Alex, and oh my goodness so many other amazing people I can't even remember. My dad finally met her that night, Bella had the hiccups and he joked that she came into the world for this. Then the hospital stay went pretty well, even staff came into my room to visit since they knew my mom, most of them knew me or heard of me and wanted to see her beautiful grandbaby. My mom even found interns in the hallway and brought them to see Bella, people my mom didn't even know their names. Nurses who didn't even know my mom came into my room to see this "Beautiful Baby" they had been hearing about, apparently she was a beautiful baby to everyone else too, and they wanted to see her. I already knew my daughter was beautiful. Eww and as for breast feeding I did it a short amount of time, about a month, and it was rough. I encourage every mother to try it, at least let them get the colostrum, its the liquid gold. It is hard though, and when I have another baby in the future, I am going to try to put a little more effort into it, because I regret giving up so soon. Bella had her pictures made there at the hospital, and they were adorable. We got to come home October 29, 2006. I was so glad to be home, but sad because I would no longer be waited on, haha. It was time for reality to start, and now it was time for me to be mommy and ricky to be daddy without the hospital staff.

That is the birth of Isabella Kate Veals.